I done made this here webpage about me!

I'm your average mid-twenties guy, I like architecture and computers and cats and volleyball and reeses peanut butter cups and scuba diving and reading and juggling and advance wars and tables and supermarkets and sunflower seeds and power tools and stargate and office supply stores and cheesecake and backpacking and drawing and applejuice and cameras and bricks. I also like ducks. I'm fond of spoons. Jellybeans make me happy. I'm one of my girlfriend's biggest fans. I'm thrilled that you're still reading this.

I hate jeans. I really really hate them. I wish they would just die of some horrible disease. Then come back to life so that I could personally murder them until they were dead again. Then I wouldn't bury them because they don't deserve that kind of respect. My dislike for jeans is not really a significant motivation within my life, and is hardly worthy of this whole paragraph, but it's the only thing coming to mind at the moment.

If you ever manage to go back in time to the correct date, at the correct time, and you visit my apartment, you'll see me looking exactly like this.

I live in New Orleans because that's where my apartment is. It gets hotter there than I'd prefer sometimes, but luckily for me I'm not dumb enough to have been born into a third world country where everyone's too poor to have air conditioning. But I'm still kind of stupid, because the house just has crappy window units, which everyone knows are the laughing stock of the climate control industry. Those climate control industrialists... they're some cruel and cynical bastards.

I've lived in my current apartment for almost three and a half years, and I still don't know what day of the week they come to pick up the garbage.

I believe the next topic up for discussion is my cat. His name is Five. There was a clever reason for that name, but I doubt you're intelligent enough to understand it. It has something to do with ethernet cables and maybe Teflon, the details slip my mind at the moment. One time I threw a ball at him and he ran under the house. He's nice to people sometimes, but only so that they feel worse the rest of the time, when he's ignoring them.

I drive an Xterra. The gas milage isn't great, but what has the enviroment done for me lately? She may not be the fastest bird in the fleet, but she can withstand more AAA fire than anything else out there.

I play volleyball a lot, and one of the things that helps my game is the fact that I have an excellent vertical leap. All of my friends seem pretty impressed by it, and I'm often asked how I manage to jump so high. I usually just shrug and act like it just happens. I actually do know what the secret is, but I'm not telling any of my friends because they're all a bunch of assholes.

Interestingly enough, I had laser surgery on my eyes a number of years back. I didn't want glasses anymore because they made me look geeky. Of course, now the geeky look is fashionable and cool, so I missed that. Except that I didn't, because my glasses made me look more like a dork or dweeb than a geek. I guess I could've just picked out a different pair of glasses, but I didn't want to give those smug con-artists over at LensCrafters the satisfaction.

It's actually none of you're business, but this sentence really annoys my girlfriend.

I didn't make this picture. I don't know who did. I don't even like it. I'm not sure how it's relevant to me, or even how it got here.

If you ever come over to my apartment, never make eye contact with either of my roommates. Then get the hell out of my apartment because, A) Nobody wants you there, and B) The place is filthy and disgusting to you.

I don't feel like writing any more about me at the moment, and nobody else wants to do it, so this is all you get. Crap. I just remembered I forgot to mail in an insurance form again. I'll never remember this stupid thing! Now my day is ruined.